Who am I?

I'm coming off a difficult weekend...a smack-you-in-the-face-because-sometimes-life stinks kind of weekend.  It was also a much-needed-reality-check-because-Elaine-just-can't-fix-everything kind of weekend. 

Hello, my name is Elaine.  I'm a fixer. 

When my kids have boo-boos, I get band aids and kisses to fix the boo-boo.  When my house seems out of order, I rearrange my priorities to get things all in place, or "I fix it" if you will.  I often do a quick-clean which is basically put a band aid over the mess.  When I know people who need something, I instantly jump in to motion.  When people I love hurt, I want to fix them. 

I'm also a hindrance.

When my own motivation to fix things gets in the way of what God wants to accomplish, I hinder the work He wants to do in another's life.  I take control instead of "Letting Go, Letting God..." blah, blah, blah *insert lots of eye rolling*.  In the process, I wonder how often I have hindered something BIG that the the Lord wants to do...I actually shudder at the possibility that I have more often been a hindrance than a help to someone. 

Reality check:  When I jump into motion, I am allowing the other party to take their eyes off God and His ability to fix things.  I am actually limiting Him, whether I realized it before now or not.  Not limiting His ability, per se`.  I'm not so naive to believe that God is incapable of intervening between my plan and His.  But I am hindering the other person's ability to keep their eyes on Him...

So here's the truth:
Jesus is the answer to despair; Not me
Jesus is the answer to death; Not me
Jesus is the answer to peace; Not me
Jesus is the answer to the future; not me, Elaine Killian, the "I-need-to-let-go-and-let-God" believer, who I'm not but aspire to be.