There is a battle of the wills occurring in the Killian household. It's me against my boys. We've had a rough couple of days. When did parenting become so hard? If it only gets harder, where do we go from here?
I'll confess, I thought parenting would be easier. Don't all of the moms (friends, sisters, your own mother) in your life make it look easy?!? My boys are walking all over me as a mom. I don't want to give the impression that Kade and Kohen aren't good kids, because they are. They just don't listen to me At. All.
It's been a busy weekend for us. The Easter drama at Church was this weekend, and I worked in the nursery every night. Naturally, I took the boys with me so they could have a little bit of play time. Last night was a disaster! Kade would not listen to anything I told him. I was so angry that when I took him outside of the room to punish him, I couldn't even spank him. (Can we all say "push over mom?!" together!) I needed time to cool off and regroup.
When we got home, Kohen pitched a temper tantrum. For the first time, he lay in the floor crying, kicking, screaming. I was at the end of my rope. So, I did what any good mom would do. I picked Kohen up, grabbed Kade by the arm, and I marched both of them strait upstairs to bed. I changed clothes into PJ's while listening to screaming, crying, kicking, GAGing, kids...and I made them go to bed. I pulled their room door shut. Then, I sat in their room in the floor (in front of the door) so they could not get out. I didn't talk. I didn't console, and to even my surprise I didn't cry. I just sat there through all of the "I want to go downstairs" and the "I want my daddy's" that a girl could handle.
Almost an hour later, both boys cried themselves to sleep while laying in the floor at my feet. Score one for mom, but it literally took all I had in me to follow through.
It honestly was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Possibly Ever. It totally broke my heart, but I knew that it was now or never with the boys. I must stand my ground.
So, what has God shown me through this...
It was certainly eye-opening to how I behave at times in my Christian walk. I have said my share of "I wants" and refused to obey His desires for me. I've probably pitched a few temper tantrums when I didn't get what I wanted. As I inhaled my bit of respite after the boys finally went to sleep, I could only think of how exhausting I must be for the Lord at times. I knew he gently corrects me, as I was doing with my boys, but how it must break His heart when He must do so.
So, today I want to thank the Lord for this new insight (and for the patience and strength from last night). Even the small blessings and temper tantrums can be for our good if we allow them to be.
"And we know that
all things work together for good
to them that love God,
to them who are the called according to his."