My Children, the teachers

Hi.  My name is Elaine.  I'm the push-over mom.  I let my boys get away with wayyyyy more than I should, because I constantly hear this nagging voice that says "These are the children you prayed for constantly."  Yes, they are indeed the children I longed for; the children I desperately prayed out to God for.  But Sunday, I told that little voice to "Keep quiet!"  It had been my excuse for far too long.  The time was near where I had to put my foot down, and I needed to do it now more than ever. 

There is a battle of the wills occurring in the Killian household.  It's me against my boys.  We've had a rough couple of days.  When did parenting become so hard?  If it only gets harder, where do we go from here?

I'll confess, I thought parenting would be easier.  Don't all of the moms (friends, sisters, your own mother) in your life make it look easy?!?  My boys are walking all over me as a mom.  I don't want to give the impression that Kade and Kohen aren't good kids, because they are.  They just don't listen to me At. All. 

It's been a busy weekend for us.  The Easter drama at Church was this weekend, and I worked in the nursery every night.  Naturally, I took the boys with me so they could have a little bit of play time.  Last night was a disaster!  Kade would not listen to anything I told him.  I was so angry that when I took him outside of the room to punish him, I couldn't even spank him. (Can we all say "push over mom?!" together!)  I needed time to cool off and regroup. 

When we got home, Kohen pitched a temper tantrum.  For the first time, he lay in the floor crying, kicking, screaming.  I was at the end of my rope.  So, I did what any good mom would do.  I picked Kohen up, grabbed Kade by the arm, and I marched both of them strait upstairs to bed.  I changed clothes into PJ's while listening to screaming, crying, kicking, GAGing, kids...and I made them go to bed.  I pulled their room door shut.  Then, I sat in their room in the floor (in front of the door) so they could not get out.  I didn't talk.  I didn't console, and to even my surprise I didn't cry.  I just sat there through all of the "I want to go downstairs" and the "I want my daddy's" that a girl could handle. 

Almost an hour later, both boys cried themselves to sleep while laying in the floor at my feet. Score one for mom, but it literally took all I had in me to follow through.

It honestly was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  Possibly Ever.  It totally broke my heart, but I knew that it was now or never with the boys.  I must stand my ground. 

So, what has God shown me through this...

It was certainly eye-opening to how I behave at times in my Christian walk.  I have said my share of "I wants" and refused to obey His desires for me.  I've probably pitched a few temper tantrums when I didn't get what I wanted.  As I inhaled my bit of respite after the boys finally went to sleep, I could only think of how exhausting I must be for the Lord at times.  I knew he gently corrects me, as I was doing with my boys, but how it must break His heart when He must do so.

So, today I want to thank the Lord for this new insight (and for the patience and strength from last night).  Even the small blessings and temper tantrums can be for our good if we allow them to be.

"And we know that

all things work together for good

to them that love God,

to them who are the called according to his."

Romans 8:28

2013: Purpose Journey

One week in January has already came and gone.  (Christmas will be here before we know it!)  Last week, I tried to be more intentional about my time.  I would ask myself if I could find my purpose in many of the things I did, said, etc. 

I'm not really sure where I am going with this new life focus or what God wants to show me, but I'm opening myself up to be a candidate for anything He wants to teach me.

Some things I've accomplished this week towards Purpose 2013:

• I started a new Sunday School unit with my 5th graders yesterday.  I challenged them to find someone to share Jesus with this week.  I used a simple illustration with Dum-Dum suckers about how sharing Jesus with one person who shares Him with another person sets witnessing in motion.  Every day if each person shares Jesus with another the amount of people doubles...within a week, 128 people can be witnessed to.  Then I showed them some Smarties candy and told them if we challenged ourselves with telling more than one person about Jesus, look how many more people we can reach.  It was a stretch, yes, but the kids actually got it.  We decided by the end of class that we didn't want to be a Dum-Dum.  We wanted to be a Smarty.
• Sent out a few text messages and emails to friends I was thinking about last week.  I let them know I was thinking about them and praying for them.
• I called two friends I really miss.  It is true that if you want to keep your friendships that you need to devote time to maintain them. 
• I began reading "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers and spent less time watching TV.  It has been so good so far, and I have literally found it hard to put down.
• I celebrated an anniversary of the horrific car accident from 1998.  God continually reminds me of His mercy and grace.  I know He was with me that day, and I don't ever want to forget how He brought me through that accident.
• We spent some time with our nephew Alex who was in town from Montana.  We had a family dinner at my BIL's house and enjoyed time as a family. 

What did you do this week with purpose?  How is God using your One Word for 2013 to teach you?

Happy Monday Friends!

One Word 2013

I created this blog to help me have a written record of what the Lord is showing me during my life.   My family blog can be found here.  My infertility blog can be found here.

"I desire a deeper prayer life, but it hasn't been the easiest thing to come by.  One thing I am currently learning is that praying is something I simply have to choose to do." (page 159 "No Other Gods" by Kelly Minter)

Lately, I haven't really chosen to do anything productive spiritually.  I plan out my Sunday School lesson, but other than that, I haven't had very much one-on-ONE time with God.  I know too often I find myself in a spiritual rut, simply going through the motions of life with little thought to what I am doing.  Life can often be a script we memorize, can't it? 

There are many things I want to do differently in 2013.  Last year, I jumped on the band wagon of the One Word movement.  I've seen so many of my fellow blogging friends who are picking one word for as an alternative to setting New Year's Resolutions.  This is where One Word 365 comes in to play...

"One word that sums up who you want to be or how you want to live

or what you want to achieve by the end of 2013.

One word that you can focus on every day, all year long.

It will take hard work, and will require intentionality and commitment.

 But if you let it, your One word will shape you and your year.

It will guide your decisions and help you grow."

So, in 2012 I picked...

If you are interested why this was my One Word for 2012, you can read more here. 

What do you want to focus on in 2013?
It can be something tangible or intangible. It can be a thought, a feeling, an action, or a character trait. Your word will be a reminder, a nudge. Something you can reflect on, that will challenge you, that will inspire you.
Your word can be anything you want it to be. All that matters is that it has personal meaning for you.
This is your word. It needs to resonate with your heart, no one else’s.
~ One Word 365

My One Word for 2013 will be

May there be purpose in all that I do, say, accomplish, and strive to become in 2013.  Most importantly, may it be with a Purposeful Heart to honor the Lord and point all recognition to Him.  Is there a word that is speaking to you for 2013?  If so, you can click here and Melanie will make you a cute little widget to post on your blog for FREE!  Then, Melanie will host a monthly link up on her blog where you can share with others what the Lord is teaching you using your One Word.  You can link up today!

Happy New Year to my Blogging Friends!  May the Lord pour out His goodness on the lives of you and your loved ones!